I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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