theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Randomize
