3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
