Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
