All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize