So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
