Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
