please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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