I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
