Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
