Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
