she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize