So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
