there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
