i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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