She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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