like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
