She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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