You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
