I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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