Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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