I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
