I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
