do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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