You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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