BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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