well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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