And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
