Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
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I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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