I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
