My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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