So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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