I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
