so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
