member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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