I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
