Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
