I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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