hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
