man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
