I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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