You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
