Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
