This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
