Duck Duck Cougar?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
