Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Randomize
