birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
