Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
