we're blogging at a bar
I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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