walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
