I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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