so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he told me I talked like a deaf person
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
