i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
