Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
