bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
