I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
