Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just gargled with NyQuil
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
