Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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