i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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