ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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