my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
