Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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