Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
