If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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