It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
