i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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