On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
