It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
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It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
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I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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