I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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