Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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