I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
