There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
