I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
