dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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