Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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