I wish I could punch you in the face.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
