I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
