I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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