I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
