its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
