we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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