if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You were trust falling into bushes
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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